When the cancer hit, one of the things I told Daryl was that I was not going to patronize him, and that when I get irritated with him, I will treat him just like normal, and not tip toe around like we can't disagree anymore. I figure life as normal as possible is good.
One event, however, has taught me that we should all live like our loved ones have cancer. The results are really pleasant, and, I suspect, pleasing to the Lord.
There is a picture that is a treasure to Daryl from his childhood. It was an expensive picture for the times, and his dad (who we have always jested could squeeze a penny till Lincoln yelled "Uncle!") bought it over some cheaper, less appealing pics, especially for Daryl's room when his older brother moved out. It is nicely framed, has a gold plate with the title of the picture on it. It is also not particularly my taste, and I was dreading finding a place to hang it.
Daryl also told me that he enjoyed looking at it while he had rheumatic fever as a child, and had to spend a lot of time in bed. It's a train station, and I can just imagine him thinking about places to go, and imagining stories of where he went and what he did.
Sooooo...this time, I did let cancer influence me, and determined that regardless of my personal dislike for a train pic in my pretty blue living room, I was going to find a place of prominence and defer to my dear husband's preferences. The story surrounding it was just too sweet to do anything else.
Well, I truly believe God blesses good attitudes, and I figured I'd get the attitude in line, and trust God to make the feelings follow along. I should not be surprised that God led me to the perfect spot for the pic, a spot where Daryl spends time listening to his music, a spot in the living room, and a spot in which the picture not only looks nice, but fits in with the decor. It's in what used to be a conversation pit, where we have a music entertainment center. On top of the center, we have an old chiming clock from his Dad, a collection of old books, and a pool ball in a wooden triangle from the folks pool table. Even the smoky coating from the old stove in the folks garage looks good on the pic now, giving it an antique haze. I love the way it looks. A warm connection to family and good memories.
So, I contend that we should all defer to one another occasionally in areas we would rather not, and take those emotional plunges on a regular basis that we normally reserve for loved ones who have cancer. It might be a nice way to live!
Daryl is always coming up with fun things to do. His latest was Lion King. (Okay, the latest was No Time for Sargeants at the local play house, but unfortunately, I fell asleep through most of it...it looked hilarious, and the actors were well cast.)
Lion King was an incredible feast for the senses...the music was, of course, the standard Disney music, but live music is so much richer than recorded music! You already knew the music, and the story line, so you could just sit back and be amazed at the costuming and the actors plying their trade. For instance, the elephant was composed of 4 adults moving as the legs, with the rest of the elephant above them. You had to take your field glasses just to see the details (okay, we decided if
we sit in nosebleed sections, we can justify going to more things...it means you take your binoculars!).
Daryl, during intermission, while I was being herded through the ladies room, was making friends with the kid in front of us. It was interesting...the parents sat in two different places. We think they got good seats for two people, and the other three sat in nosebleed section, where we were. There was one younger kid who wouldn't have settled down for a nearer location (this was the one Daryl connected with). The two older boys took turns sitting with Mom in the nicer seats...one before, one after intermission.
Anyway, Daryl connected with the younger, more active kid. I had had fleeting thoughts of sharing my binoculars with him, but dismissed it...his brother had a pair he could have shared, and Daryl spent good dollars on me having a great time. Which meant, use the glasses myself. By the time I got back from the ladies' room, the kid had Daryl's glasses around his neck. (predictable, I might add!) Daryl was jabbering away with the kid. I quietly let Daryl know I was not sharing my glasses with him, and he ought to get his back for the production. (uncharacteristically uncharitable of me, but it was the only way to see the costumes.) Of course, Daryl chose the high road, and let the kid keep the glasses. His reward was that when the kid laughed, instead of turning to his Dad, beside him, he turned around and gave Daryl grateful grins. Daryl won on that one!
Life isn't always what it seems to be on the surface. We think we're in control. We think we know what's happening, and more or less, what's going to happen.
Then God shows us He is in control, and we had no idea what He was up to, and it's magnificent.
Daryl has Multiple Myeloma. Now, while that certainly isn't what either of us would have chosen to deal with, it is what God has gifted us, and it is good. (Disclaimer: I'm not the one with it, and we're in the easy part now. I reserve the right to not always feel that it is good, but I hope I will always know that God is doing something good with it!)
God has taken a shy, quiet man (okay, my kids don't know him as shy or quiet, but He is!) and given him a voice, a platform with which to converse with people. I can't remember how many times I have realized that someone thinks we have this perfect, trouble free life. Every person has struggles and hard things to deal with, but it doesn't always show on the surface that you arrive at pleasant places through work, prayer, struggle, and sometimes, sheer determination to do right. Now, however, we suddenly have visible credentials, Trouble with a capital T, and people relax around us.
My prayer is that Daryl will be healed, and if God says no to that, that the Myeloma will not be wasted, and that in either case, God will be glorified.
